Butcher of Me Street

Yesterday I went and got the most awful haircut of my life.

I told the lady cutting my hair that I wanted it short on the back & sides and a little bit longer on top, and maybe a little spiky to compensate for the thinning that's going on up there.

Unfortunately, all she heard was "short" and "spiky," so when I got down off the chair I looked like a cross between Pin Head and a Chia Pet.

"There," she said. "That's MUCH better."

I looked in the mirror and was horrified, but at that point what could I do?

I think the problem was that this lady was distracted by chit-chat as she cut my hair. Normally, I don't like to chit-chat with my barber for this very reason but, it being Christmas and all, she had a lot to go on about. Also, I have to take my glasses off when getting a haircut which means that I can't see more than 6" past my nose, and therefore can't look in the mirror to say "stop cutting for God's sake! This isn't the bleeping Marine Corps!"

Anyway, I didn't have a fit or even say anything cross. I just gave her a nice tip and said thank you very much before rushing home and immediately putting a hat on.

The moral of this story is; don't talk to your barber, ever, even during the holidays.

Top 10 movie weapons

Rules:

- Only one weapon per movie

- No vehicles or robots

- No Super powers


1. Predator: "Old Painless" Mini-gun

There are plenty of awesome weapons in this movie but none as iconic as the Gatling gun used by Jesse "The Body" Ventura.

2. Excalibur: Excalibur

Wielding this sword makes you the King of England. Nuff said.

3. Aliens: M-41A Pulse Rifle

Lots of great weapons in this masterpiece of Sci-fi, but the Marine weapon of choice is this combo assault rifle and grenade launcher.

4. Krull: The Glaive

A magical five bladed knife that can fly on command... color me impressed.

5. 5th Element: ZF-1

THE most versatile weapon ever created. Let us count the ways... Machine Gun (with replay ability), Rocket Launcher, Arrow Launcher (with exploding or poisonous gas heads), the famous Net Launcher, The always sufficient Flame Thrower, and The All-New "Ice Cube System". Oh, and a handy red button that activates the self-destruct mode.

6. Tron: Data Disk

Disks that you can throw and bounce off walls and use to disintegrate other "programs", WTF? This weapon changed the course of Frisbee history forever.

7. Eraser: Rail-gun

This gun fires projectiles at near light speed with explosive effect and has an x-ray vision scope attached to it that can see through walls.

8. Lord of the Rings: Anduril

The sword of kings forged from the shards of Narsil... blah blah blah. It gives you power over an unstoppable horde of ghost warriors! Booyah!!!

9. The Hobbit: Sting

Though not very impressive in LOTR, this Hobbit sized weapon warns of Orc attacks and kills giant spiders with a single "sting" in The Hobbit animated movie.

10. Dirty Harry: .44 Magnum

The 44 Magnum is the most powerful handgun in the world and it’ll blow your head clean off, so you gotta ask yourself one question. Do you feel lucky, punk?.” As a cop in 70's San Francisco, Harry Callahan didn't NEED a gun this big, but he WANTED a gun this big so he could strike fear into the hearts of "punks" everywhere.

Hello?

Wow! It's been over a year since I've written anything here, partly because I have too many other blogs to worry about, mainly because my experiment with writing this blog completely failed.

Maybe I'll give it another go.

Randomness begins...

I can't ytpe withour looking doen at the keuboard so I wiil try to turp thud wuthout liijing at the jeybizrd znd see where that fets ne.

Not very far.

Bye.

Sports

NFL Draft baby! How did your team do? Do you know? Do you care? Does it even matter? Probably not.

The NFL draft has been one of the longest, nerdiest and most soul-crushingly dull sporting events for many years now. Some drafts have gone on so long as to outlast international cricket matches, with single rounds taking four or five hours to complete.

Thankfully, the NFL decided to reduce the amount of time between picks this year and actually sped up the draft to a reasonable tempo. Of course ESPN made up for this by having a full FIVE HOURS of pre-draft coverage, but even that was more pleasant than watching the analysts stretch out predictions and cram sappy player interviews between fifteen minute lags in actual drafting.

Much like baseball speeding up the time between pitches, the NFL speeding up time between draft picks is better for fans, better for the players, and most importantly, better for TV coverage. Now if only we could get international cricket on board the speed-up train.

Non sequitur

Blogging on the can.

I have a laptop.

I have a toilet.

Picture it! Picture it!

I got you.

Z

Sports

It's time for spring foot-ball, that bitter-sweet time of the year when you get to peek at next season but then must wait another four months before the games actually begin.

I love spring football because it fosters optimism for better things to come, because you can cheer and evaluate the team without the pressure of winning and because of the weather.

For some reason the clouds always part for spring football and let the sun and warmth of a perfect day shine down.

Anyone who loves spring football probably knows this already, but for those of you who don't may I suggest that you plan a picnic or a or a walk in the park on that very same day so that you can share in the sunshine and optimism that the spring game delivers.

Randomness

I just got a call from my buddy Mike and he described a situation that I really wish I was there to witness.

First of all, Mike manages a store where he is expected to dress in nice suits and be well groomed all the time, so he usually looks nice, but today he felt extra suave because he got pseudo hit on by a woman... but not just any woman.

He was hit on by a 300+ pound woman in a motorized wheel chair who was pushing her likewise disabled mother who was in a non-motorized wheel chair.

Now, I can visualize the scene, as I'm sure you can... but damn it what I wouldn't give to have actually seen that.